My husband married another woman, and that’s OK.
When Nathan and I were dating he asked a friend for advice about proposing to me. The answer he was given was simple: don’t. Well, maybe do, but definitely not yet. The reason was that I was young and about to head off to university, and that most importantly, university changes you. Had I been heading into the workforce or deciding to work in the home, the advice would have been different. His friend suggested that going away to university was such a life transforming experience that it would fundamentally change the person I was, and subsequently Nathan should wait it out and see where we stood at the end of it. It would be foolish to assume we would remain compatible.
His friend was right, I did change. I met new people who altered my worldview and helped me grow into somebody new. They exposed me to ideas I had been previously sheltered from. University education meant that my mind began to think and work in different ways. My fashion changed. My diet changed. My accent changed. It wouldn’t be a huge stretch to say that I was an entirely different person upon graduating.
Yet I did it all hand in hand with my husband, and thank goodness for that. In marriage Nathan walked all that change alongside me, rather than watching as an outsider. We did not grow apart, but together. And he changed too, just as we both have since and will continue to do for, hopefully, many years to come.
Last year I read a book about tidying up (yes, you read that right) and it changed me from a messy clutter-bug to someone who craves order and tidiness. Becoming a mum transformed my understanding of love and gave me an amazing appreciation of alone time. A once extrovert, I now need alone time in order to function correctly. Hormonal contraception turned me temporarily insane. Living with a nerd rubbed off on me - I like board games and a little bit of sci-fi and superheroes. I used to crave spontaneity and now it makes me a little nervous.
Seriously, if marriages could not be sustained through life transforming events and decisions, there would be no point in them. It’s ok to change: form fresh opinions; develop new interests; make friends and try out different ideas. I don't need to fear moving away from the girl I used to be. The important thing is to do it all together.